River is deep

I spent most of today thinking about River.  Shes been acting weird, annoyingly sullen lately.  In desperation this morning I begged her, “Please help me understand what you are feeling.”  After some time she revealed that she is sad.  Missing mommy.  Missing daddy.  “I wish I were Ruby,” she said.  ”You spend a lot of time with baby Ruby.”

She is so sensitive.  And deeply emotional.  I can totally relate.  I remember feeling sad & guilty if I “hurt” my stuffed animals.

I was blessedly able to go on a fieldtrip with her preschool class today.  Walking to the Bagel Nosh.  (On Passover! – But thats another story.) On the way, we passed a homeless man sitting on the sidewalk.  He had no legs.  River made no mention of it until bedtime tonight.  She asked me how he had no legs.  I tried to find some kind of non-freaky way of explaining it to her.  “Leg disease…very rare – do you know what rare means?…doctor has to help by…um…removing the leg.”

“WHAT?!  They cut off his legs?!”

“Well, the doctor operates – do you know what an operation is?…special medicine…the person doesnt feel it…”

“Mommy, do 4 year olds get that leg sickness?”

“No River.  4 year olds are much too young.  That guy looked pretty old, didn’t he?”

“Yes.  He was very old.”


Grateful for being one of 4 parents on the fieldtrip.  Grateful for legs. Grateful for heartfelt discussions with my child.  Grateful to hold her in my arms as she fell asleep.

Hoping she isn’t dreaming of evil doctors cutting off legs.

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