I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen.

I can remember a time when my heart ruled.  Like for Lloyd Dobler, the practical actions of people in response to my loving was incomprehensible.  Oh, the drama; the dreaming; the trying on of people.  Its easy to look back at that time fondly, but the truth is, it was fuckin confusing.

So how much wiser do we actually become as the years pass? No doubt that 20 years later, (!) 39 year old  Lloyd Dobler wouldn’t be waiting outside anyone’s house in the middle of the night.  No matter how much she ignored him.  Or would he?

My question today:  In love and in friendship, how long do we wait for others to reach our expectations?  How do we respond to disappointment?  When do we stop waiting and move on?  And, seriously, how?

I am a dedicated person.  You’d have to really fuck up, repeatedly,  for me to stop loving you.  Sometimes I wonder if my expectations from others are too high.  Maybe I need to recognize that others cant cradle heartstrings in the same way that I do.   Yet, it seems clear that some expectations shouldn’t be lowered.

Maybe Lloyd had it right.  You give it your all.  You give it your all until your all is depleted.  Get pissed for a while.  Mourn.  Then squeeze out the nutrients of the relationship and leave the rest behind.

In the end, Lloyd got it straight: “That girl made me trust myself, man. I was walking around feeling satisfied. Can you imagine that?”

Seems worth it in the end.  No?

-jb

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One Response to I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen.

  1. Justine says:

    your heart is gorgeous. that’s the first thing i want to say. and so is the way you express it when you write. xoxox

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