A kiss with a fist is better than none.

Thanks to Florence and the Machine for that thought-provoking lyric.  I bring it up not because I think it’s true.  Let’s be clear – I do not.  But, I am fascinated by the fact that someone else might.

My interest lies in the wacky subjective concept of “reality”.   In an article written by and about Adam Duritz of the Counting Crows, he discusses his psychological diagnosis of    “…a form of dissociative disorder that makes the world seem like it’s not real, as if things aren’t taking place. ” Behavior stemming from this disorder, which seemed normal to Duritz, led his friend to remark, “Dude, you are turning into such an asshole.”

Has this ever happened to you?  I mean, have you ever been unfortunately surprised by your own reality?  Of course Duritz’s case is extreme, but the truth is: we all live in our own private Idaho.  The surprise comes when we learn that the landscape we’ve been admiring is actually just a mirage.

Our reality is in constant change.  Yet we hold on to old views and visions out of fear and lack of awareness.

I spent several years working as a psychotherapist for disadvantaged and often abused children.  Many of them were so mistreated that their understanding of the world, and what to expect from it, was twisted beyond comprehension.  The thing is, even if these kids were removed from the abusive lifestyle and were lucky enough to find caring homes, their idea of reality was set; at least for a long, long, long time.  And any penetration into that painful reality would take unearthly patience, love and devotion from caregivers.

I’d like to think that I served as a potential light in the deep fog for the kids I worked with.  Hopefully, I helped to plant a seed within them that, later in life, will help them recognize that another reality exists.

If our individual reality is dependent on where we’ve been, and what’s inside of us then what happens when, like Adam Duritz, someone throws that mirror up in our face and we suddenly see that we are indeed, an asshole?  What happens when we recognize that the voice saying, “A kiss with a fist is better than none,” was our own?

I think we have to hope believe that someone is there to help us traverse dimensions.  From an outdated reality into a place of realness.  There is no possible way to do it alone.  It occurs to me now that this is why we do all the work we do in relationships with friends, family and lovers.  Some people show us the mirror.  Some show us the light.
~with fist-less kisses, jrb


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One Response to A kiss with a fist is better than none.

  1. Justine says:

    I just quoted you on FB. 🙂 This is great.

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