On your way to the wishing well

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I sort of hate the way people compare human growth & change to that of a caterpillar – butterfly situation.  I understand that it is transformative when you make emotional leaps & bounds, but really, unless you’ve been transsexually challenged or somehow similarly transmogrified, I don’t think the analogy stands.

Not to belittle emotional metamorphosis. This is huge.  Life changing.  Incredible. Believe me, I get it.  Yet, I think what actually happens to create that feeling is “a little death”.  Or more accurately what the French call, La petite mort.

La petite mort is typically used to describe the feeling of spiritual release that comes with orgasm (physiologically caused by the release of oxytocin in the brain).   But the term can also be used when something painful has happened to a person and has affected them so much that “a part of them dies inside”.  The transformative moment comes next.  Death ends one existence so a new one can begin.  The ashes from which the phoenix can rise.

By creating the expression La Petite Mort, the French nailed it.  (Pun intended?)  One descriptive term used to express the overwhelming release that comes from any deeply powerful ending. –  But more accurately, it describes the release that comes from allowing an ending to actually complete.  Because, as we all know, some endings linger, often because we wont let them go. 

Sometimes it seems easier to let go by becoming angry.  
But that’s really just holding on to poison instead of loss.

I’m no expert in endings, or rebirths.  But I have witnessed a few; and I have recognized some of my own – after the fact.  Yet, if I could be good at it, if I could orchestrate my own metamorphosis, I know how I’d like for it play out.  

I would hope that within my my own petite mort  I would sense the beauty that is to come.  I would hope to embrace the loss within the love that created what is now gone.  I would hope to feel the grace that had passed through me.  And I would hope to have the courage to greet whatever is to be reborn with open arms.

May you dream you are dreaming, in a warm soft bed
And may the voices inside you that fill you with dread
Make the sound of thousands of angels instead
Tonight where you might be laying your head
I wish you well
On your way to the wishing well

~ with Love, jbb

Nobody’s Crying (Patty Griffin)
As I’m sittin’ in the taxi for the sky
He’s off to slay some demon dragonfly
And he looks at me, that long last time
Turns away again and I waved goodbye
In an envelope, inside his coat
Is a chain I wore, around my throat
Along with, a note I wrote
Said “I love you but, I don’t even know why”But darling, I wish you well
On your way to the wishing well
Swinging off of those gates of hell
But I can tell how hard you’re trying
Just have this secret hope
sometimes all we do is cope
Somewhere on the steepest slope
There’s an endless rope
And nobody’s cryingWell a long night turns into a couple long years
Of me walkin’ around, around this trail of tears
Where the very loud voices of my own fears
Is ringin’ and ringin’ in my ears
It says that love is long gone
Every move I make is all wrong
Says you never gave a damn for me
For anything, for anyoneBut darling, I wish you well
On your way to the wishing well
Swinging off of those gates of hell
But I can tell how hard you’re trying,
Just have this secret hope
Sometimes all we do is cope
Somewhere on the steepest slope
There’s an endless rope
And nobody’s cryingMay you dream you are dreaming, in a warm soft bed
And may the voices inside you that fill you with dread
Make the sound of thousands of angels instead
Tonight where you might be laying your headI wish you well
On your way to the wishing well
Swinging off of those gates of hell
But I can tell how hard you’re trying
Still have this secret hope
Sometimes all I do is cope
Somewhere on the steepest slope
There’s an endless rope
And nobody’s crying
Nobody’s crying
Nobody’s crying
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