Fuck You Monday, I’m a Hater

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It’s been a long time since my hater self has greeted me in full force.  This side of me rarely makes a full-monologued appearance.  Fuckin’ Monday.

This day has been brewing.  Waiting for me to set myself up in just the perfect positioning to bring on the hate.  It’s the inevitable challenge tossed at me for consistently preaching my truth, that all things have beauty and value and inexorable meaning and blah blah blah.  Sure, I still have faith, somewhere inside.  But today I am a Hater.  And I’ve chosen to just let it be.

Feeling it deep in my chest like someone has bagged my heart in plastic and it is working too hard to breathe.  Sensing that the world around me shrunk. Everyone is in my way.  (Where the fuck am I trying to go anyway?)   Too many assholes driving on my streets and no, I dont want fucking fries with that.  All news is unbelievable bullshit which clearly means the world is out of control and destined to implode sooner than later.  And, by the way, all music  sucks.  There is no pleasing a hater. But if you don’t try, you suck too.

I want to be like one of those movie characters who goes out in the gloomy night, distraught, and just starts running breathlessly, going nowhere, until she is soaked by tears and rain and finds herself completely lost.  A not-so-subtle metaphor for the character herself.  But still, we love that scene, because in that moment, she is a hater and doing the only thing she can to hate with all her heart while still wanting to believe in something.

Being in full hater mode makes me dislike pretty much everything about myself.  So I hate even harder out in the world.  I throw out “fuck you”s and senseless grumbles to people who barely deserve it.  The people whom I know, will still love me tomorrow.  And because of that, I hate us both.

The fact that it’s a sunny, windy, beautiful, perfect day makes it difficult to hate outside.  So I imagine that I will stay in and close the curtains and pretend the world is worth hating.  But the world, I instinctively know, doesn’t hate.  And, I know that I still have some of my sense of humor, so all is not lost.  And tomorrow is Tuesday. And if I had a dog he would lick my face.  So, I will dig into my dark brooding hate today, and Fuck You Monday, I will wait to see what tomorrow brings.  Maybe it will rain.

~ jrb

PRESS PRESS PRESS TO PLAY 

E-Pro, Beck
See me comin to town with my soul
Straight down out of the world with my fingers
Holding onto the devil I know
All my troubles’ll hang on your trigger
Take your eyes and your mind from the road
Shoot your mouth if you know where you’re aiming
Don’t forget to pick up what you sow
Talking trash to the garbage around youNa na na na na na na
See me kickin the door with my boots
Broke down out in a ditch of old rubbish
Snakes and bones in the back of your room
Handing out a confection of venom
Heaven’s drunk from the poison you use
Charm the wolves with the eyes of a gambler
Now I see it’s a comfort to you
Hammer my bones on the anvil of daylight
Na na na na na na na

I won’t give up that ghost
It’s sick the way these tongues are twisted
The good in us is all we know
There’s too much left to taste that’s bitter
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