I thought I had this mama thing down. Isn’t 12 years enough to get the hang of it? But I’m finding that I can never know enough. Once you feel you know something about parenting, the rules somehow get changed. The game goes into overtime. And I am left wondering what it is I need to know.
The goal now is to release my grip, just enough, to let go of knowing. Of needing to know. Of the thought that I truly know anything. I think its time to listen for a while. Be brave Mama and keep my heart open. Listen to my feelings. Listen to their words. Listen for their hearts to speak to me. Let my heart feel, so we can heal. Its up to Mama. “Tell Mama…”
There are rare moments in life when my title, Mama, feels too big to fill. This is that moment. Their eyes look to me with questions I cannot answer. And desires I can not fill. And safety I cannot assure. And predictions I can not promise. And despite the tunneled in struggles, I wouldn’t change my title for anything in the world.
All I can do is be true, to the best I know how. Without being too true. Isn’t this what parenting is? Teaching them about all there is to fear in the world, while simultaneously hoping they believe you when you say the world is a safe place? And yet, both truths are real.
I look around for guidance through this moment. But there are no answers. Because there is no real knowing. Ironically, I know this now. There is only now, and now, and now. On her best days, Mama leads with courage. For today my courage can be found in two words, “Tell Mama…”