Author Archives: jennbenn18

Your hatred of me is disappointing.

Your hatred of me is disappointing.  I thought you could be better than this.  I thought you could take your balled up broken heart and walk it home.  I thought you’d want to be true to your true desires and find … Continue reading

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I know why he barks

Ben wants to please.  He really does.  Even as he barks – and just so you know, his bark is some kind of pitchy piercing octave that is ultra and immediately  annoying to me, so my patience when he barks … Continue reading

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Saying “I’m Divorced” is like saying “I’m Fat”

I’ve been without much emotion throughout the divorce process. And I thought that was telling.  Telling me that I had moved on long ago and that the years spent working on the marriage eventually led us here, to this place of … Continue reading

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Unexpected Expectations

Unexpected moments come, well, unexpectedly. You walk confidently, thinking your path is just a continuation of some other moment. Peripherally though, something is amiss. It takes a time-lapsed millisecond for your brain to notify your eyes. You  look and recognize the familiar terrain is … Continue reading

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Tell Mama

I thought I had this mama thing down.  Isn’t 12 years enough to get the hang of it?  But I’m finding that I can never know enough.  Once you feel you know something about parenting, the rules somehow get changed.  The game … Continue reading

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It took a while to understand…

All wrapped up into one petite package. I’m a mother. A woman. Sister. Daughter. Friend. Aunt. Teacher. Lover. All these descriptors are never changing. I am.  All these things.   But, am I a wife? When I say “we are … Continue reading

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Break the window

PRESS PLAY: When your own voice tells you its time to destroy something you gotta listen. The others will tell you violence was unnecessary. They will say you could have taken 3 deep breaths and fixed the problem. They will shake their heads … Continue reading

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Just Breathe

There’s something powerful about focusing on breath when the world feels like it is spinning out of control.  The simplicity of what actually keeps us alive. Even when we feel like living is squeezing the life out of us.  Just breathe.   … Continue reading

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Proof of Love

It’s not enough to be human, you know. Being human leads to disappointment and pain, to wounding ourselves and the people who are brave enough to risk loving us. Being human leads to devastation and longing. But it’s all we got. … Continue reading

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the blues has a way with women like me

PRESS HERE FOR THE BLUES Maybe it’s because I already had more than my share of saki at dinner Maybe it’s because the bartender gave me a heavy pour of gin, with a wink. Or maybe it’s because, oh baby, the … Continue reading

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Giving in

PRESS PLAY: I’m letting the undertow take me. I’ve been fighting it with fear for so long. I’m going under. But I’m not giving up. I’m just giving in. All that fighting never kept me from being pulled under anyway. Now … Continue reading

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Born

Tilt-o-wheel, spinning off its axis.  Watch it roll. Bouncy house, death-bound assent into the sky.  Watch it fly. And all we can do is sing along. La la la la la… Like Bob Marley, I was born to bring the … Continue reading

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Salt in the Air

Theres no picture in my mind of everything I ever wanted. I never had that kind of vision. But, I’d know it’s taste on my tongue. Closing my eyes, slowly devouring the moment. Impervious to all noise and blinding lights. … Continue reading

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Future Starts Slow

You can exhale, you can cough You can swallow, or get off You can lick, or go soft You can blow whats left of my right mind Enter the future with a trampoline, slam-dunk bounce or a numbed-out drag. We … Continue reading

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Shake it out

“Don’t take my cigarettes.  Jenny, please, leave my cigarettes.” My freshman year fling begged me to allow him his only working addiction despite having painful bronchitis.  I was just trying to help. We sat in the dorm living-room watching late … Continue reading

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The Ghost of Freddie Mercury

I woke up early, with Freddie Mercury on the brain;  his resonant voice echoing inside my mind. “Is this the real life…? ” Freddie and I have never been particularly close so his presence was curious.  I was a bit embarrassed … Continue reading

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Crosswalk

I see him coming towards me as I step off the curb. Random grungy guy opposite me in the crosswalk. His eyes locked in my direction. Muttering under his breath as he looks straight at me. Something that sounds a … Continue reading

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Love, pain, sun, rain, alright

PRESS PLAY.  One of the most beautiful tunes I know :   Poets are sad because they know truths behind the truth. Like smokers, they flirt with the inevitable. Trying to control their fate with beautiful lies or brutal truths. … Continue reading

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I will never

PRESS PLAY: As if oxygen could be inessential for good boys. And wearing a skirt could make pretty girls care. As if you could have it all wrapped up in nothing but a bow. You know you’re right. A short … Continue reading

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when leaves let go

I’m pretty sure there are moments directly above us when leaves let go.  Falling, spinning, dancing in perfect, windblown grace before giving in and laying down. In a midair moment they flicker beauty. Simply to be seen. I’m pretty sure … Continue reading

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